Crocs (Noun) Hideous but revolutionary shoes made of Croslite polyurethane—an antimicrobial resin that (contrary to anecdotal evidence) resists odor. The classic clog is made several colors with and without holes and with and without straps.

When crocs are acceptable: If you're a middle-aged housewife who also wears curlers in her hair to the supermarket; if you're a child aged 12 and under; mowing the lawn; going to Wal-Mart if you're the sort of person that calls it Wal-Marts; if you're going to the zoo; for blogging, but only if no one ever knows; to a swimming pool, if the swimming pool is in your back yard; or, if you wear them ironically to a black-tie event.

When crocs are unacceptable: When you're rich; when you're a rock star; when you're male; when you're 60 or over; when you're wrote a song called "Dude Looks Like a Lady," or when you're motherfucking Steven Tyler. Tyler just lost what's left of his respect faster than a Spears girl lays a fertilized egg.

It just ain't right.