Cool Points
Cool Points: (Scientific Formula) A system of points which effectively determines an individual's coolness, which can either be added or deducted to reflect one's actions.Drew Barrymore paid a visit to the Velvet Grip tattoo parlor in Los Angeles earlier this week, where she reportedly got her tongue pierced. I am not making this up. According to a source at the parlor, Drew was overheard saying that she had wanted it done for "seven years" now.
Seriously? That's funny, because there was about a four year window of time in the 1990's when it was cool to get your tongue pierced, and even seven years ago she still wouldn't have nearly cut it. And by now... Well, those of us -- I mean -- even people who did get it done back then don't like to talk about it out of both general embarrassment and bad memories of the time they accidentally swallowed it and pooped it out. Not that I would know anything about that.
Pssst, Drew: you know what won't make you lose cool points? Wearing a bra.
Yeah, about 6 years back I had this crazy roommate (she once seriously suggested to me that we pick up a crystal meth habit to lose weight -- I had just started running, and she took that as a sign that I was like-minded in her anything-to-be-thin quest). She and her boyfriend were inordinately proud of their matching tongue rings. They would stick out their tongues at any given opportunity.
The rest of us... we did not think it was the hippest, most cutting edge of accoutrements.
Yeah, because her ridiculous lisp wasn't pronounced enough (sample line, from Charlie's Angels, "...and thath kickin' yer ath." Good call, Drew. Maybe you could have Tim taylor chip your front teeth with a hammer, as well, so that soon every word will begin and end with a "th" sound. And to think I masturbated to "Poison Ivy." That's right, and it was way before Road Trip came out. I thought up the whole "prostate massage" thing on my own. Oh yes, Tom Skerritt, right there. I'm your wingman, I'm your wingman!
Misanthrope, you read my mind. How the hell is anyone supposed to understand her now? That LashBlast ad of hers is particularly uncomfortable, isn't it?