Double Standard: (Noun) A rule or principle that is unfairly applied in different ways to different people or groups.

Have I mentioned recently how much I hate Ashlee Simpson? No? Well I fucking do, A LOT. The latest thing Ashlee has done to attract my vitriol is by calling Britney Spears "trashy" on the British talk show "Nokia Green Room" like the catty little bitchface she is. (Watch the clip here.)

So I know what you're probably thinking. "But Stacey, why is it OK for you to make fun of Britney Spears?" Well, let me tell you a little story. When I was growing up, I used to torment the motherloving hell out of my little sister. Some of the particularly reprehensible things I did to her include dropping a brick of packed snow on her face while she was making a snow angel (which I subsequently blamed on my friend) and scratching all the sunburned, chlorinated skin off my arm after a day at the local swimming pool and blowing it in her face. But if anyone else tried to pick on my little sister? I would throw down and break some fucking skulls.

I guess what I'm getting at here is that Britney Spears is kind of like my little sister. My retarded, metaphorical little sister. Or maybe I just really hate Ashlee Simpson that much. I'm not really sure myself, so take your pick.

Assface promoting her shitty new album which will never outsell Britney's "Blackout":