Lap Masseuse. Noun. Politically correct term for stripper or exotic dancer; one who dances naked and/or rubs his or her buttocks up against the groin area of another.

Unless for some reason your van down by the river doesn't have cable, internet, cell phone coverage, or easy access to print publications, you know doubt know that Diablo Cody, the Oscar writing screenwriter of Juno, was formerly an exotic dancer -- or, in more politically correct parlance, a lap masseuse. You may have also learned that nude pictures of Ms. Cody have leaked onto the Internet, and yours, mine, and ours in the blogger world have taken it upon themselves to post these scurrilous photos in an effort to increase page views.

It's a dirty business, this celebrity blogging.

And while we here at WIMB generally look the other way when it comes to nekkid celebrities (unless it's the Squirt Queen, but she hardly counts), we feel a certain connection with Diablo. She may, at times, be a punching bag, but damnit, she's our punching bag, and we feel strangely possessive kinship with her. She's like our stripper sister, you know? And in that respect, we don't appreciate it when people look at our stripper sister in the buff. That's why we've taken the liberty of covering her naughty bits with black bars. This is not one of those magical thumbnail galleries where you can click on the photo and it takes you to the good stuff; click all you want -- we're not giving up the dirty pillows. Not here. No sir. We'd prefer you respect Diablo's screenwriting talent.

That's not a joke. And stop your guffawing. I own a whip. A long one with synthetic thorns. And thanks to the power of Internet cookies, we know where you live. Watch it, Buster.