Candy. Noun. Any of a variety of confections made with sugar, syrup, etc., often combined with chocolate, fruit, nuts, etc.

Hayden Panettiere has been selected to be this spring's spokesmodel for Kohl's exclusive Candies line. Did you know that "Candies" have absolutely nothing to do with sweet confections? I didn't. In fact, it's an exclusive line of shoes, or at least as exclusive as you can expect from a low-rent department store.

Also, did you know that Kohl's mission "is to be the leading value-oriented, family-focused, specialty department store." And you know, when I see Hayden in these Candies ads, the first thing that pops into my head is: "Family focused." If you'll excuse me, I need to go make out with my lesbian sister, Oxford English's Dominatrix.