Auto-Cannibalism: Noun. The practice eating one's own flesh.

Because nothing says "unrealistic expectations" like getting brutally ridiculed within an inch of your life, Dumb and Dumber, (a.k.a. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag) are getting set to record a follow-up single to Heidi's spectacular turd "Higher" next weekend.

"When people hear what we have in the bank, it's gonna blow their minds," her manager-beau boasted. "Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming - they're gonna sell 10-million plus."

Well, that sounds about right. I know upon hearing "Higher" for the first time I damn near resorted to auto-cannibalism just to make it stop -- so it makes sense that either Madonna or Britney, upon hearing an entire album, would want to pry their chest plate up like a piece of cellophane and start spooning into their still beating heart as if it were a pudding cup.