Word is out today that Discovery Communications (aka, The Discovery Channel) has teamed up with Oprah Winfrey to give the most powerful woman on the planet her own goddamn channel.

"The focus of the channel will be the focus of Oprah's brand, which is the educate and inspire people to live the best life they can," [a spokesperson] said. (Source)

Jesus Humping Christ. Oprah goddamn Winfrey: 24/7. That's just motherfucking cruel. The network is called OWN, because before it's all said and done, that woman is gonna pwn every goddamn one of us. It's only a matter of years before her visage is beamed, like the Bat Signal, across every city in America and her voice is broadcast through radio waves, delivering subliminal affirmations and Oprahcentric fortune-cookie greetings.

I think we all know what the monster in Cloverfield is now, don't we? And that woman is gonna rip the head of Lady Liberty and then shit her you-go-girl toxicity down everyone of our necks. Welcome to the 21st Century, bitches -- otherwise known as Oprahcentury.