Breaking! Breaking! Britney Still Not Dead!!!!
The latest in the Britney batshit saga, a cleverly designed publicity stunt arranged by a behind-the-scenes Karl Rove to obscure the fact that Mitt Romney got hosed in the Iowa caucuses last night, is that Britney still has a pulse. She is not dead. I repeat: Britney is still alive. We'll be here all day tracking the Britney's status; if she enters the afterlife, we'll have the paparazzi photos from the pearly gates or the gates of hell.
Also, check out the toes on that bitch; gnarly!
Looks to me like the LAFD is pulling a Steve-Irwin by the way they have this salty tagged and harnessed; they're obviously preparing to transport Britney to a more secluded estuary, where she can frolick, and smoke methamphetamines, and fuck, and hopefully expire, in safety.
Man, I totally didn't think that it would get this good this fast. I thought at least one more year of minor crazy, but this is awesome!
Umm.... Iowa had a caucus last night, not a debate.
We know that, of course. We were just testing you. So, congratulations, Drake!