Notorious humanitarian whore Paris Hilton came to the valiant rescue of an Oompa-Loompa who was injured in the middle of a performance in a nightclub last weekend. Okay, let that sink in for a hot minute, because it gets even crazier. The Oompa-Loompa (real name Robin Sherwood) is in dire need of a kidney transplant, and Paris, along with her sister Nicky, have supported a foundation to facilitate the operation.

So the drunk elephant thing from before, that was all just a brilliant work of fiction -- but Paris Hilton going around saving Oompa-Loompas is the God's honest truth? At this point I'm so dumbfounded, if you told me that Paris discovered farts were destroying the ozone and launched a national "Just Hold It" campaign, I would probably just cover my ears and run away.