You know what the problem with rehab is? Too much damn coddling. And free will! Just how the hell is a person supposed to get clean when they're allowed to just "walk around" all willy nilly? So I would like to wish Amy Winehouse a huge congratulations, because she has just won herself a one-way ticket to the one place more effective than rehab: jail!

Someday, Amy -- when you're sipping chamomile and -- I don't know -- doing things people who aren't addicted to blow do, you'll look back on those icy hose-downs and full cavity searches and you'll savor every moment.