Panty Moistener
A gentleman so ungodly beautiful that a single look from him in a woman's direction will instantly drench her underdrawers.

Mickey Rourke, the chiseled beefcake who starred in Angel Heart and Sin City, was arrested in Miami Beach early Thursday morning and charged with a DUI.

Page Two lensman Fred Montana said he was looking for preggers glamour girl Jennifer Lopez at about 2 a.m. when he bumped into Rourke walking into the nightclub Mansion with an unidentified hottie.

"They came back out two hours later and crossed Washington Avenue to go to his scooter," Montana said. "They both got on it, and he did a U-turn to go north. He was pulled over within a block.

"The cop says to him: 'You swerved right in front of me.' And Mickey answered: 'No, no, dude, I'm all right.'"

Actually, according to the arrest report, Rourke also let out a four-letter bomb when he was stopped. Cops say the actor had a flushed face and bloodshot and watery eyes and that his speech was slurred.

"I'm not drunk, I didn't even drink that much," Rourke said, according to the report.

Rourke allegedly failed field-sobriety tests before being taken to headquarters for a breath test.

The above mug shot was taken after he was hauled into the police station. And I just have to say: Wow! There's a goddamn looker, a genuine hunk of man. Perfectly manicured facial hair; a well-conditioned, glimmering mane; Addonis-like features; and the unblemished skin of a baby's ass. And, he was transporting his date on a scooter. That's just too much man for most women to handle. I bet all the ladies in the vicinity were wobbly and that there were groins twitching like epileptics playing Pokemon on an X-Box.

Mickey Rourke: Bona Fide Panty Moistener.