Bump Defined

A pregnant woman's growing abdomen.

US Magazine is reporting that Katie Holmes may be pregnant again. 

A glowing Holmes, 28, appeared to be sporting a mini bump ... Though she didn’t address questions about a possible pregnancy, the actress and her husband — who will celebrate their one-year wedding anniversary November 18, were happy to give the crowd a display of their mutual affection, as Cruise, 42, whispered to his wife and softly kissed her ear as they made their way into the theater.

“Tom kissed Katie a few times lightly near her ear and whispered to her,” a witness told Usmagazine.com. “She would turn to him and smile.”

What US Magazine didn't understand, however, was that Katie wasn't sporting a pregnancy bump. That was a small GPS tracking system Tom had attached to her navel. And when he whispered to his wife, he was saying, "Don't you even think it about it, lady. I've got a man guarding every exit -- if you run, I will kill you. Dead. My lease on your womb has another four years left on it. Now stop your bitching, turn and smile. I said, turn. and. smile."

Underneath Katie's one-shouldered, silk charmeuse Monique Lhuillier gown, she was stomping S.O.S. signals: "Help me. Please help me," she stomped. "He's keeping me and Suri in the Hubbard Dungeon and force feeding us wine and Ritalin. I'm so hungry and focused. Oh, God: So focused. I can do an entire book of crossword puzzles in under an hour. Please help me."