DoucheRod Defined
A DoucheRod is an extreme version of a douchebag, which -- as the Urban Dictionary describes -- is a person with a shitty personality that needs to "take them self the fuck down" or "go home and get their fucking shine box." A DoucheRod, like its lesser douchebag cousin, usually assumes the form of a hair-gelling pretty-boy but can also be described as an overzealous, pompous, or vexatious asshole that most people wish were killed with a Mortal Kombat fatality.

For those who follow baseball, there are two huge stories today, when -- in fact -- there should only be one. The top story in the world of baseball, of course, is that the Boston Red Sox are the 2007 World Series winners after sweeping the Colorado Rockies 4-0 in a ho-hum, methodical manner over the weekend. Unfortunately, on a day when baseball fans around the nation should be focusing either their love or bitterness toward Red Sox Nation, Alex Rodriguez has decided to steal some of that limelight by making an announcement -- which broke during the 7th inning of last night's game -- that he won't be re-signing with the New York Yankees next year. That anyone would give half a rat's ass which team A-Rod poisons next year is moot -- the fact that the man decided to announce his decision so that it would coincide with the Red Sox win, however, represents an extremely foul form of classlessness tantamount to announcing your pregnancy during a friend's nuptials or bragging about the time your broke your collarbone when a small girl tells you she has leukemia. In other words, you'd have to be a real DoucheRod to do what Alex Rodriguez did yesterday.